BY HERMOINE MACURA-NOBLE
SPECIAL TO THE TIMES KUWAIT
One of the things that became painfully obvious during the pandemic for many people was the need to find a loving spouse. Whether it was the crisis itself, the months of isolation or countless video dating sessions gone wrong – one thing became apparent, whom you share most of your time with affects the quality of your life and overall happiness.
Rachel Vida MacLynn, Founder and CEO of The Vida Consultancy, a global matchmaking company that also operates in the GCC, explains. “The pandemic sparked an existential shift in people’s minds, and we’re seeing single people more focused than ever on finding a life partner. Other goals, such as striving for a promotion or buying a new car, are pushed down their list of priorities. Searching for a partner globally is bittersweet. One on hand, there is something utterly romantic about leaving no stone unturned to find “the one” anywhere in the world. However, the logistics around meeting someone in another part of the world is a challenge for most of our clients.”
Living in the age of information and dating apps, many people all too often neglect their personal life and often waste their most valuable commodity on the distractions of the digital evolution and fleeting pleasures of our era. Many others who thrive on professional success often put relationships on the back burner until way too late.
Relationship Coach Olga Fernandez unpacks why many women today are choosing to get married later in life. “Women today have so many options and opportunities to live their dreams…. Also, decades of scientific research into love, sex and relationships have taught them that several behaviors can predict when a couple is solid or heading for troubled waters. As a result, women are making wiser choices when it comes to choosing their spouse. We all know good relationships don’t happen overnight. They take commitment, compromise, forgiveness and most of all — effort.”
For some, the allure of hiring a matchmaker seems like the fast track to finding the perfect spouse when time is of the essence. Matchmaking is a concept unknown to many, unclear to most and nonsensical to some. But, in a decreasing social society, it is becoming a sought-after service. Here in the Gulf, where some find it challenging to settle down due to the transient culture, other specific requests also make the search slightly harder for matchmakers.
“A global search raise concerns around cultural differences, and this is why we assess people through human values. Values form the foundation of a compatible relationship, and every human on the planet holds them. We, therefore, do not need to stereotype or make assumptions when we deliver our matchmaking model. Our success rate for international clients is 80 per cent.” adds MacLynn.
It’s OK to have a list of qualities you want in a potential partner — however, remember that you need to be the kind of person who will attract your dream spouse.
“Many people in the GCC often have requirements from their family, culture and traditions, high on their list. Some insist on marrying from the same faith; however, they don’t want to be the second or third wife,” says psychologist Dorothy Rais.
Generally, matchmakers will seek out people who come from similar backgrounds, nearby geographic locations and equivalent education levels. However, they also help singles to set realistic expectations.
“If you share or have complementing beliefs, then your relationship is more likely to be compatible, and you’ll experience a more harmonious marriage. You also want to know your partner shares your goals around not just marriage but children and lifestyle. How many children would you like to have? When? How would they be raised? Where would you live?” Says MacLynn. These are just some questions to think about when looking for a spouse.
Most people ignore: Do I personally live up to the expectations that I have for someone else? “Often, the answer is no,” Fernandez says. “It is easy to come up with a list of ‘must-haves in a partner, but it is a lot harder to turn that list around and judge yourself. For example, if you are not passionate about your life, how will you attract someone who is? If you are not living your life true to your values, how are you going to attract someone who does?” she concludes.
The solution? “Take time to work on yourself,” Fernandez explains. “Strive to be more like the kind of person you want to attract and prepare yourself to be “the best friend” of your future spouse.”
Finding a partner shouldn’t feel like a never-ending wish list. Approach it systematically by building an accurate representation of who you are genuinely compatible with. “Our matchmaking process is built on a foundation of assessing values, attitudes and beliefs…. For example, someone could have a core value of kindness. For them, kindness manifests through the love they give to their family. For someone else, kindness could be expressed through philanthropic activities,” concludes MacLynn.
The world is changing, and stereotypical roles in marriages are getting reinvented. The dynamics between a couple are changing, and marriages are becoming more of a partnership. Across the board, most experts still say that if you’re not ready to get married, don’t. You could be saving your future self from a world of trouble. “I meet people every day who have gone through endless paychecks settling nasty divorces,” Fernandez explains. “If marriage doesn’t feel right, it’s not right. Don’t settle.”
By Hermoine Macura-Noble
The first Australian English speaking News Anchor in the Middle East. She is also the Author of Faces of the Middle East and Founder of US-based 501c3 charity – The House of Rest which helps to ease the suffering of victims of war. For more from our Contributing Editor, you can follow her on Instagram, here.
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