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Secrets men keep
May 23, 2013, 1:20 pm


Every now and then we like to reveal a few secrets of the male mind to even out the playing field. Hopefully they will help figure us out, or just confirm that you were actually correct in grade school: boys are weird


We struggle with Facebook timing

We have to play our Facebook cards correctly. We don't want to friend you too quickly and look too enthusiastic. The easiest thing to do is to let you friend us first so we know the coast is clear. But after that, there are more things to obsess over. When do we declare we are ‘in a relationship’ with you? Again, you go first, will you? We will follow your lead.

We don't always like that you talk to your friends about us (even if it is good)

We know that part of the boyfriend job description is to supply you with feel good stories and anecdotes to share with your friends: ‘guess what Rich did for me today,’ for example. And we know that you love to complain about us to your friends: "Rich is so ignorant and insensitive sometimes. I just don't get it." In fact, we wonder if you talk about anything other than boyfriends, shoes, bags, and reality TV. Sometimes it is nice to keep some of our relationship just between the two of us.

We get PMS

Sometimes we get instructed to ‘go home, wake up on the right side of the bed, and come back.’ We get cranky too. We go through days when we want to be in our pajama bottoms at home watching bad movies with no one to bother us. All of us guys have days like this-strangely it is approximately every month or so...and we wonder: am I PMSing?


We pretend to listen

We have a number of methods of making it look like we are listening: the nod, the eye contact maneuver, the carefully timed question that is relevant to the last five words you said, or simply repeating a sentence you just said. But often, your voice sounds like the ‘wah-wah’ adult voice in a ‘Peanuts’ holiday special. You lose us in the beginning when it takes way too long to set something up. You need a hook and strong intro.


We check out other women (even if we are in relationships)

Sorry, but we notice a hot girl any time any place. Hopefully most of us don't make it obvious, but we check out a cutie when we can. The worst is if your younger sister or best friend is hot, we will check her out too.


Sometimes we like being told what to do

One of the reasons we won't commit is because we don't want to be told what to do. But, it is no secret that we don't like to think, and we struggle with details. So when you tell us clearly what to do, how to do it, and map it out for us, we can go about accomplishing a task without anxiety. Also, if we follow your directions precisely and you're still unsatisfied, then you're more unsatisfied with the directions you gave us, and not our execution of the instructions.

We say we will call even if we don't mean it

We always say we'll call, because it is the nice thing to say. It is almost as thoughtless as the ‘fine’ answer when someone asks us how we are doing. Would you rather want us saying: ‘Look, I'm not planning to call you?’ And sometimes at that very moment we say we will call, we do mean it, but then after 24 hours we change our mind after sleeping on it.

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