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Become ‘Queen’ of your own life
June 2, 2013, 5:50 pm

‘Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" "You're short, you're fat, you're old and you're gray. It certainly isn't you, so back away.’ Be honest. We have all looked in the mirror and asked some version of that question with a similar imagined response.

Wouldn't the ultimate gift to yourself be to believe that, no matter your age, size or circumstances, you are beautiful and then go out into the world reflecting that feeling inside and out?

There is no better time than now to start to appreciate that you are perfect just the way you are. A truly remarkable woman who is more than ready to be a queen!

Banish:  Let go of a thought or action from the first half of your life that is no longer working for you.

We needed to banish our fear of not being liked. By saying it out loud, we were able to call attention to the fact there was substantial evidence that indicated we were already liked—in particular by each other. We should be able to laugh at our fear while reminding each other that we were indeed pretty fabulous.

Keep: What do you really like about yourself? Identify your strengths and decide what you want to keep from the first half of your life that is still working for you.

We were always taught that nice girls don't brag or call attention to themselves. How sad is it when you are too embarrassed to even admit to yourself that you admire something about yourself?

In the end find the one thing you most like about yourself and be certain you want to keep it.

Claim your beauty and power:  End the mirror's reign of terror.

When we look in the mirror, we frequently see only our flaws. The truth is we are all original works of art—perfect just the way we are. Claim your beauty and power by looking in the mirror, making steady and direct eye contact with yourself and saying, ‘I am beautiful, courageous, valuable and perfect just the way I am—so sayeth the queen!’

Language matters: The words we choose to speak to ourselves and about ourselves are important.

It is of the highest importance that we stop our internal voice from putting us down.

Learn to deal with the habit of letting a negative internal voice chip away at self-esteem and have it silenced. We all possess a positive inner voice telling us to be who we are, to dance, sing, play and have fun. Our true voice that guides us is usually drowned out by the voice of doubt, shame, anxiety and fear. Rename your newly uncovered voice the Queen Voice and go forth with words of power.

Admire yourself:  Look back down the mountain of your life — at the steep trail you took to get here. No doubt it does a lot of winding and zigzagging as you had to change direction to get around the occasional large boulder blocking the path. But you did it, and the fact that you made it up that rugged path to this spot where you are standing right now proves you are extraordinary and worthy of your own admiration. Every woman's journey involves detours, challenges, triumphs and a few harrowing moments. It is precisely because of the nature of the journey and your willingness to continue putting one foot in front of the other that you are a remarkable woman.

Build and nurture trusting friendships:  Face life's joys and challenges with a friend by your side.

Every woman needs at least one good friend to watch her live life so she can occasionally ask, ‘How am I doing?’ trusting she'll get an honest answer. These agenda-free friends are women who want nothing more for you than for you to be your very best.

Set strong boundaries:  Mean what you say and say what you mean.

Many women say yes for reasons ranging from fear they won’t be liked if they said no to ‘at least it will get done right if I do it myself.’ In the end, the reasons don't matter because if you say yes to everybody else when you don't mean it, there is nothing left for you. In walking through the uncomfortable feeling of saying no, there is incredible peace and freedom on the other side. Practice saying no because it does not come naturally to most women.

Place the crown firmly on your head:  There are rituals for every major milestone in our lives: birth, graduation, marriage, death. Yet there seems to be no satisfying or affirming ritual to mark a woman's passage from the first half of her life to the second half. It is time to correct that right now.

To become the queen, all you have to do is throw a party. There's no right way or wrong way to have this celebration. It's your party, and we say give yourself permission to have it your way with bratwurst and beer or caviar and champagne. You decide.

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